Transformers : Revenge of The Fallen

Welcome to another episode of The "D" List.

Today's review is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Directed by Michael Bay. Written by Ehren Kruger. Screen story by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci.


Transformers....Robots in Disguise. Transformers....More than meets the eye.

To all of you that watched and geeked out over the Transformers cartoon like yours truly. That was a snippet of the lyrics to the opening theme song. The second line fits this film perfectly if I had to describe it in 5 words or less.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was without a doubt more than meets the eye. From the trailer you were treated to what seemed to be an improvement to the franchises uninspiring predecessor. Instead you are forced to witness what was hands down THE WORST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER AND QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In order to continue with this review. I have to take this back to the original Transformers. That film was a disappointment to say the least. Mainly due to the absurd silliness that was injected into the story. For example, the scene where the autobots are hiding around Sam's house while he's looking for the glasses and they try to crouch in little corners but there's just 1 problem. THEY'RE GIANT ROBOTS! So of course they destroy everything they touch.

That scene was obviously written to add a little comedic breath in between the action. The problem with that is the film didn't need to be funny in that particular moment. And more importantly, as a kid the transformers was not a comedy. It was an action cartoon. The fact that Dreamworks and Michael "The Hack" Bay went this route told me 2 things. 1.) They could care less about the source material and 2.) Bay is CLUELESS when it comes to story telling.

Transformers 1 had potential to be great and it missed the mark by such a wide margin that I had very little hope for the sequel. Well let me tell you people. This movie not only turned my fear into a reality. It made me embarrassed that I was ever a fan of the Transformers.

Our story of Revenge of the Fallen takes us 2 years after the transformers arrival on earth. The autobots are working secretly with the government hunting down and destroying any remaining decepticons that are hiding on the planet.

That's plot hole #1- Giant robots fighting in a major city blowing things up sky high CANNOT BE KEPT A SECRET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To even presume that's possible is lazy writing and just insults my intelligence as a member of the audience.

Plot hole #2 - Where did the remaining decepticons come from? If you recall at the end of the 1st film, Megatron was killed and dropped in the ocean and the rest of the decepticons were destroyed. The only surviving member was Starscream (The jet plane) and he flew off into space. So where the hell did these new decepticons come from and if they were already on earth why didn't we see them in Transformers 1?

This was a common thread throughout the entire film. There was no continuity between Transformers and Revenge of the Fallen. NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can you make a sequel to a film if you don't follow the blueprint that came before it?

As I understand it, the writing of the script was put on hold halfway through because of the writer's strike that took place last year. So when the strike ended the script was polished off and production went underway. Just 1 problem, You can't polish a turd.

The main villain in the story is called The Fallen. He was one of the original members of the transformer race. He was exiled and defeated by Optimus Prime and presumed to be dead. He wasn't and wants to return to earth and destroy the planet. They hype this guy to be some real scary antagonist to the autobots. So guess what? You see him for a total of about 10 total minutes. And when he finally arrives on earth, Optimus Prime kicks the crap out of him in no time flat. How can you set this character up as earth's doom and then have him punk out when it's time to throw down?

That's just another example of the many many problems with this film. I won't even bother with the human characters. They are ALL so annoying that I was rooting for the decepticons to actually win so we would be rid of these ulcer inducing people.

Let's talk about what I really hated about this movie. There were 2 autobots in the film. Mudflap and Skids. They are new characters not from the original transformers universe. These 2 robots spend the entire movie acting thuggish and using foul language like "punk ass" or "little bitch." That's not all. Ready for this one? ONE OF THEM HAD A GOLD TOOTH. You read correctly, A transformer had a gold tooth. The fact that Bay thought that was acceptable to put into a movie is just APPALLING and BEYOND BELIEF!!!!!!

Congratulations Michael Bay. You have single handedly RUINED A PIECE OF MY CHILDHOOD! I can never look at transformers the same way again and honestly I don't think I want to.

There's so much more that I can get into but I just don't have the energy and my patience is getting very thin trying to look back and remember what was wrong with this movie when clearly the answer is EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say that this film will obviously spawn another sequel as the weekend box office returns approached close to $200 million if not more. I can tell each and every one of you now. I WILL NO LONGER BE PART OF THAT CROWD! I will NEVER pay to see another transformers film.

On the 5 star scale. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen gets a well deserved GOOSE EGG!!!! 0 stars. I will now take the time to introduce a new recommendation to the "D" List. This film gets a VERY HEARTY "For the love of God stay home!!!!!" recommendation.

I humbly beg you! Don't subject yourselves or your loved ones to this poor excuse for entertainment.

That's all for today.

Next up is Public Enemies. By Michael Mann starring Johnny Depp.

Until Next Episode.....I'll Save You A Seat!

"D"